I had a thought today about kids and my family as a whole.
I'm what some call child-free. That is to say, I don't want kids, nor does my husband. So we never had them. It hasn't always been the easiest of choices to stick to, but I do think it was the right one for us.
Which meant that until my niece was born two years ago, there were no grandkids/great-grandkids in the family, as it's just my sister and me in our immediate family, and we're the oldest of the grandkids on one side, and the only grandkids on the other.
Lately, because of my family tree work, I had come to realize that this wasn't a short-term problem in our family--at least, on the branch where we're the only grandkids, where few if any of the siblings of my ancestors had kids for one reason or another. I'd always thought my aunt and myself were the only ones who'd not really wanted kids, but now I think it's a longer-term issue than that.
I'm one of two grandkids on that side, and my mom was one of four siblings, but she was the only one who had kids. Her father only had one sibling who died in the war, and their father had two brothers, one of which I have no marriage record for, and the other of whom I do, but no kids. On my grandfather's mother's side, my great-grandmother had six siblings, only one of which had any children.
Not really certain what it all means, but it does help me feel a bit better about my choice. That it's not just me, but part of the overall family tree.
It is a bit hard on the grandmothers, though. I know my mother's mom always wanted a lot of grandkids, and was rather disappointed that she only got the two of us. And I also feel bad that mom had to wait so long for my niece. But it does mean that she's just that much more precious to all of us.
Today, these thoughts also lead me to the realization that our family just isn't very baby-friendly. I was the first-born grandkid, and my sister and I are 6 1/2 years apart, and the next grandkid wasn't born for five more years or so. His brother came along a few years later, but then we had to wait five more years before the final two grandkids were born. We're all so incredibly stretched out over time that only one family at a time has had young kids.
Until now. With my two-year-old niece and my cousin's newborn son, suddenly we have two babies in the family. Makes me very curious as to how Christmas will go this year. I have to say, though, I am looking forward to it.
Found it! I know the feeling about not wanting kids. At least my parents are cool with it. And I figure if anybody else in my family has a problem with it, that's their issue and not mine. I'm not gonna become some baby factory just to make somebody else happy. They can go adopt a cat or something to fill the empty void they feel in their life. Though I do sometimes feel bad that the Whitesell side of the family will end because my dad's uncle only had one daughter, and my aunt never had kids, and my dad only had two daughters. But really, when I feel bad, I realize it's their fault, not mine, for quitting before any of them had a son to pass on the name.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I feel like I should feel like I want a baby, you know? But they always say how a baby changes you. I like being self-centered. I like not having any stress in my life. I like being able to not pay attention to anything as I write. That's who I am. Why should I change who I am to become somebody else? It's like saying I'm not good enough as who I am now. We are good enough how we are now. And don't let anybody else tell you otherwise.
That's pretty much how my thought process goes, too. Most of the time, I don't really worry about it.
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely a decision no one should be pushed into. The parents and the baby will be happier when it's a chosen child over a forced choice. That's my belief.
I'm pretty sure Heather and Dan are spending this Christmas with her family, not ours. I wouldn't be surprised if Howie and Pam followed them.
ReplyDeleteOf course. Can't say I blame them. They'll want to spend his first Christmas with him...
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